Ownership carries with it an implicit charge of responsibility. Own a pet? Better figure out how to keep it trained, fed and housed. Own a home? It’s your turn to figure out how to program a thermostat, clean out the gutters and change the locks. Sure, you could always hire someone to repair, replace and clean things, but hiring a handyman is often like burning money for heat – fairly effective, but prohibitively expensive. Enter the world of the Professional Amateur. Please, don’t confuse it with an Amateur Professional – the plumber who does a poor job snaking drains, the drywall guy whose finish work still feels rough – these are Amateur Professionals. Dudes getting paid for so-so work.
The Professional Amateur is an individual whose success formula looks like this: Success occurs when [(the cost of tools)+(the cost of materials)+twice the time it would take a professional] is less than 75% (the cost of a professional’s quote for time, parts and labor). That tipping point of value is often dependent on solid planning, in-stock tools and the weight of the largest part in question. If the math lines up, why not repair your own snow-blower, install those lights in the basement or re-grout the tub? But if the math doesn’t work out in your favor, it’s not really time to push it. The math is tough, but fair. If the pride of ‘pretty good’ work isn’t worth inviting friends over to admire your home-brewed rotating rooftop FM antenna, do everyone a favor and call a Professional Professional.
This week’s post is dedicated to some professional amateurism we undertook after making the decision to go with cloth diapers for The Sweet Tea. Inspired by some friends, we thought it made sense to add a “that looks weird unless you know what it is” diaper-rinsing hose to our toilet. In this case, the choice wasn’t whether or not we should call a pro; it was whether or not we should buy a premade kit.
The kit retails for about $45. Since I would be installing the rig either way (home-brew vs. premade), labor cost and time wasn’t a factor in the equation. Readjusting the numbers, you really need to see if buying the parts yourself saves you half the cost of the kit. Rough estimates put the materials cost at around $21. Perfect. Off to Ace Hardware to get an old guy’s opinion and find the parts.
As is often the case, if you’re looking for one oddball part, Ace is perfect. If you have a specific plan, a list of parts and want affirmation that you’re doing it right, Ace isn’t the place. After spending a few minutes with salt-and-pepper-mustache guy, he tried talking me into buying an auxiliary hose that slipped over the sink faucet or the tub faucet. I didn’t have a slideshow presentation to explain my groundbreaking theory that Poop Goes In The Toilet, so I thanked him for his time and left.
On to Menards when young-guy-with-the-long-goatee heard what I was saying about doing it myself, then collected a series of roughly 15 parts when what I wanted was about 5. To the Home Depot, where thirty-something-with-a-hemp-necklace told me, “yeah, dude, I think we have the parts, but I would really buy the kit. They’re really pretty cheap.” Sure they are, bro. Sure they are. All right, so Round 1 seemed like a waste, but it definitely informed me of exactly what I needed to do in Round 2 – diagram the parts list, don’t ask for hardware help and collect the supplies myself.
The parts list looked like this:
a “T” splitter so that the water main can run to the toilet and the auxiliary hose
a length of stainless steel reinforced flex pipe
a stop valve
a sprayer hose that doesn’t look terrible (I think ours was a kitchen-sink accessory.)
a hanger
The list of parts I needed once I saw what was available:
a reducer coupling to connect the 3/8” hose to the ¼” stop valve
more Teflon tape (just in case; you can never have enough)
I was able to find everything and Menards and/or Home Depot, but I think the stop valve might have been in the air tools section. Someplace weird. ½” and larger sizes were available in plumbing, but not the delicate quarter-incher. Go figure. Anyway, after I laid out all the parts, assembly was a breeze. If you want a step-by-step account, it looked something like this:
- Shut off water at the wall
- Detach toilet hose from water main (I drained the tank, but I’m pretty sure there’s a gasket on it, so you could leave it full. Also, I upgraded our toilet hose from plastic reinforced to stainless reinforced. No big deal, but as long as I was taking stuff apart, you know?
- Wrap Teflon tape on male ends of T splitter, attach it to water main, reattach toilet hose to the splitter and the toilet.
- Lay out the hose assembly on the bathroom rug. Mine went like this: sprayer hose, shut-off valve, reducer, extension hose.
- Tape and assemble the whole hose assembly deal.
- Tape the remaining valve on the T splitter and attach the hose assembly to it.
- Turn the water back on and check for leaks.
- Attach fancy-dance 3M hanger to the side of the sink cabinet.
- Test shut off valve, hang it up, clean up the room and have a beer.
That’s the whole show. We’ve been using the rig for, oh, 5 months now and it’s worked just fine. And simply from a peace-of-mind perspective, I’m glad I went with the reinforced tubing and the stop valve. There’s a lot of pressure coming through those pipes and knowing that the pressure is contained while the rig isn’t in use makes me feel a whole lot better about it. Plus, you know it won’t blow while we’re on vacation and cover the house in 3 days worth of water.
One last note – many of our friends have kids (and similar sprayer rigs), so they get what’s going on. If you do this and invite friends over who you think might be unfamiliar, you may want to write an explanatory note in the loo, or warn them beforehand. Not that I think your party guests would treat themselves to an ice-cold bidet, but you never know…
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Parts Plus – all the parts you needs, and all the parts you’ll need to return after you’re done…
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the old setup
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dry-fitting for the rig
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updating the toilet hose and installed the T splitter (note – measure before you buy. i could’ve gone with a shorter hose.)
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the foreman inspects the progress
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completed, tested and put away
